So angry to the point that smoking isn’t even calming me down. I need to break something. You make think this whole thing is a joke, but it’s not. I’ve played softball all my life- it’s a lifestyle for me. And I thought it was for you guys too. I know shit sucked last year. I know we got fucked over, and I know that we’re in the process of getting fucked over this year. But I wanted to come out this year and prove that the shit we were put through last year made us stronger- I still want that. I still want to prove to every bastard that’s looking down on us that we’re still in this. We’re still the best out there but I guess I’m the only one. I hate to see girls that I called my family, just give up. I hate to be the only one standing but you know what? I’ll find a way to do this on my own. I’m a captain, and I refuse to give up on my team. My whole heart is in this, and I know for a fact that we can do this. I know you guys may not take this seriously right now- I know you guys may have no faith in us. But i’m going to try my damn hardest to make you guys see that we still run this league. We still run this division. I just want us to be a team- But we’re nothing. A commitment means nothing to any of you. And that’s literally breaking my heart.
There’s this kid in my photography class that always gives me shit. We were talking about what photographers we wanted to do projects on and one girl who’s normally happy said she wanted to do someone who photographed more depressing things. That kid, the only guy in our class- who is also one of the most inconsiderate jerks I’ve met in my life- made a comment on how he thought I’d be the one to say that. “What? We were all thinking it.” He felt like adding. And everyone laughed and nodded. It really bugged me, but I tried to keep my cool. My teacher went off about how some of the best artists went through ups and downs in their lives and that made for some of the best art work in history. She went on to say that my sadness and intense emotions made me one of the best art students she’s ever had and then congratulated me on the fact that I can find such a beautiful way to express my emotions. It was one of the most uplifting things I’ve heard in a while.